Not even a week, and the next post is here.

I was wondering about compromise the other day. Well at least I think it's compromise. I wondered if I could have a relationship with someone who I didn't have really strong feelings for. I don't think I'm explaining this well so let me backtrack. A few times in my life I have met people and for want of a better phrase I've been consumed by them. I've felt so strongly about them that everything else has pretty much gone by the wayside except for them. It's ruined friendships and probably not been good for my mental health. I've let myself be controlled by them and the power they have over me, and it's done in my self-esteem. I become obsessed.

So I was thinking, maybe it's better that for my next relationship I don't go for someone like that. I 'settle' for someone else. Someone nice. Someone that ticks all the boxes but doesn't tip me over that obsession precipice. I'm sure a strong friendship would grow. I'm sure even love could grow. I might even enjoy it. But one thing stops me. I know that if I were in a relationship with a 'Mr Settled-for' and a Mr Obsession turned up, I'd leave the nice guy in a second. In spite of my integrity I wouldn't be able to stop myself. I'm squirming even thinking about it because I hate that aspect of myself.

Well it's the next post and I am over the cold - well pretty much. Except it turned out to be bronchitis and I ended up laid up off work for the best part of a week. So much for feeling so healthy after the half marathon. Anyway, I'm slowly getting back into the fitness regime after that, though I haven't actually run since the race. That's this weekend's job, along with some more tennis.

School seems just to be work, work, work at the moment. My program's due to be in to my boss; reports have to be finished by next week and I'm working on my class assembly item for the first week in July. I don't think I'll be out much this weekend to be honest.

As I mentioned in the last post, the no drinking thing has been interesting - and not in a particularly good way. No drinking leads to not feeling like going out, which (apparently) leads to less opportunities to catch up with mates. Which ends up feeling like I have less mates in general, as I've alluded to previously on here. I'm trying to convince myself that friendships are cyclical, and I'm in a building phase. I'm not doing that great a job on myself just yet.

In terms of meeting anyone that might turn out to be more than a friend, then cue tumbleweed. Lately I seem to be finding less and less people attractive to me, and also lately to a man they either are completely not interested or seem to lose interest very, very quickly. Not sure what's going on, but I'm not overly happy about it. Maybe I'm giving off the wrong vibes.

The last two situations combined are leaving me feeling increasingly lonely. I've considered moving into a shared apartment to possibly counter that feeling, but it's such a gamble at the moment as I don't have anyone I know that needs a flat share right now. So, I guess I just have to hang in there. With everything.

On a day to day basis I don't feel particularly depressed or miserable to be honest. Just flat. Everything just seems flat right now - and I'm not really sure how to counter that. Back to the drawing board I suppose.

Well we're now 4 weeks into term, and it does indeed seem to be dragging its heels. Not sure why. Maybe coz it's not so much fun at school due to the odd atmosphere amongst the staff. My one male mate at school has just resigned which is a shame - a month til he leaves and then I'm alone with a staff room full of Estrogen. Also three of the women at work are newly pregnant so guess what the topic of conversation will be til the end of the year? I'm craving adult conversation, but not just conversation limited to cravings, names and hormonal swings.

Mind you... the hormone swings might explain my moods a little.

Last weekend was the half marathon - and as it turned out I had the run of my life! Not expecting to achieve my best-case scenario goal I did indeed make it, finishing in 1'39"46 which was 20 minutes up on last year and 10 minutes ahead of my previous best. Result! I was very happy with that. The split times were interesting too - I ran the second 10km just 8 seconds slower than the first and kept that same pace for the last 1.1km - consistency through the whole time. I finished in the top 25% of all racers, in the top third of all men and in the top third of men 40-44. Not bad at all, but wished I could have gone out to celebrate properly - this no alcohol lark is killing me!

I've had an easy week this week but have ended up coming down with a head cold which is really tiresome. Haven't felt like this for over a year and I forget how good it is not being sick.

Not much else to report. Socially nothing as I don't feel like going out when not drinking. Tennis continues. Gym continues. Life continues.

More news as it happens. Hopefully I'll be over this cold by the next post!

May. Already. I seem to have skipped April on here, which is annoying as I was trying to keep the archives monthly again. Oh well.

It's probably best I skip over April anyway. Not the best month. Birthday wasn't the best day, but not for turning 44 reasons. Had a fling, behaved like a bit of a twat - and whaddya know, the fling suddenly ended! I need to take a good long look at how I behave sometimes. And a bloke behaving like a character out of Desperate Housewives is not a good look. Anyway, file away under 'Things not to repeat next time'. Though next time seems far away right now.

Saw the Human League. Twice. (Though technically one of those times was in March). Fantastic.

School finished, with me miraculously getting the permanent job at the school. Go me.

Holidays. OK. Didn't do much. Tried to keep fit, but didn't eat well and due to some calf issues and being in a bit of a bad space re fling I didn't train as I should so half marathon won't be as good a time as I'd hoped. Did go to Tokyo for 3 days which was great.

And now term 2 has started. 10 weeks to go. But a long 10 weeks. Lots of stuff to do at work. I'm off the booze too. No fun for Davie til July.

That's all for now. Feels a bit like I'm treading water again - a cyclical theme for those that might still be reading from years back. Not unhappy, not really happy. Limbo.

Meh.

Nearly a quarter of the year has gone, nearly time for school holidays.

I'm back in that treading water/limbo place, where everyday seems to be about work or exercise. Which is OK. Socially things are slightly different. I feel like I've connected back with some mates where the connection had gone a bit stale. I still feel like something or someone is missing though.

I just want to get through the next two weeks and then relax. 8 more days of teaching. But before that, I've got planning to finish and three (count em, three!) job applications.

Which means it's time to get off here, and onto that stuff.

I love autumn in Sydney. I want it to love me back this year.

Things are better. No real reason, but things just feel as though they're on the up. That's a good thing.

Still exercising like a loon. Still working hard but feeling guilty about not working harder. Still in control of my diet. Less than 4 weeks to the Easter hols.

Better. :)

I really should be asleep. Almost 11pm Sunday night - and school beckons in the morning.

Thing is, I'm in such a foul mood I can hardly bring myself to even bother to sleep. Actually no. Foul mood isn't right. I just don't care about much at the moment. Not school. Not having a social life. Least of all, me.

Work seems like a real chore and is hard. It feels like it's stopping me doing social stuff. I feel guilty if I don't do school work, so I stay in and resent staying in. And then don't do half the stuff I'd planned.

At the same time as resenting staying in, I don't really want to go out. I'm finding social interaction hard and shying away from it, and then bemoaning the fact my social circle is non-existent.

I'm still obsessing about and over-analysing things I cannot currently change.

Thank god for diet and exercise. At least there's something I can focus on and achieve right now (OK so I'm caring for me a little).

Since leaving school on Friday I've had two phone conversations. One briefly to say I wasn't going out and the other with my Dad, who called. I've seen one friend (well tennis partner rather than friend to be completely honest), to play tennis on Saturday night (when everyone else was getting ready for Mardi Gras). I had one text message (a general one asking for Toybox tickets); two Facebook conversations and a brief MSN conversation with my niece.

It's bad enough I have little non work related adult conversation through most of the week, but it seems like the weekends are becoming the same. I have no-one I can let off steam to, or even really just share what's happened on a daily basis. I have no partner; no flatmate and a seemingly dwindling number of close friends - most of whom are either partnered, becoming partnered or just becoming more distant (probably because of my social withdrawal). The number of close friends in Sydney? If I'm completely honest? 3. The number of really close friends in Sydney? 1.

I know a lot of that has been my steady distancing of people over time, whilst I've been involved with partners (and to be honest so have they). During the summer holidays I met some people out and about that I thought might become good friends. Turns out they were like most people that you meet out and about - they take from you on the night and the giving back part never seems to materialise. I wonder sometimes how I can still be so naive and foolish at the age of almost 44.

The thing is though, I've never lost that hope. That people will turn out to be genuine and have integrity. You'd think after having that hope dashed so many times that I'd have learned by now.

I think I'm closing myself down. For friendships, for potential partners. For most things. Which leaves me to fend for myself. And to potentially let myself down which, traditionally, I've been good at.

OK time for bed as that's taken 30 mins to vent. Interesting to write that down, as it didn't come out anything like the way I thought it would... and I've haven't even got it all off my chest.

It's a good job no-one reads this any more.

So, six weeks passes and where have I been? I've been to London to see the Queen...

Well actually no. I'll be doing that in October. And, well not 'the' Queen, but probably several others. Holidays are well and truly over and in fact tomorrow is the start of Week 6 at school. I have my new kindy class - they'll never replace my first ever class of last year, but they are seemingly lovely so far. School's been keeping me occupied so not too much social stuff to report.


Been on a bit of a health kick. Gym twice a week this year to date, with a trainer. Am back running again, and have signed up for the half marathon in May. Doing a 14 week training program for that which is three weeks in. Am hoping to remain injury-free, though slightly worryingly my left foot is a bit sore. I'm hoping some new running shoes (bought yesterday) will help cushion it to recovery. A run later will give me a better idea.



Have also been eating incredibly well and that will continue - I gave up alcohol, caffeine, chocolate and sweets for February which was a good challenge. Had my first coffee today and am working hard whilst still buzzing!

More news from the front line as it happens. Not really doing anything for Mardi Gras - I need to get the school stuff sorted first. Oh, and the Human League are touring - best news for ages! :)

Just home from seeing Grace Jones live at the Enmore Theatre. I'm not really sure how best to describe it, but boy was it fantastic! She looked great; she sounded great; and the costumes changes were very cool. A new hat for each song - seemingly getting more outlandish by the moment. Best moment? The silver diamante bowler hat being lit by two huge green lasers for Love Is The Drug - sublime.

Strangest moment? Me hearing the opening chords to Slave To The Rhythm and bursting into tears. Still trying to work through that one right now. It's not a particular favourite, though I like it. Maybe it was memories of times gone by, or people and moments lost. Maybe it was just the thought that I never thought I'd hear it played live, in my forties, whilst living on the other side of the world from where I was born. Maybe I'm in more of a fragile emotional state than I thought. But for whatever reason, floods of tears. Fortunately for me it was so hot at the gig that it just looked as though I was wiping sweat from my brow.

A great but slightly surreal night. And that's without mentioning the fact that Grace hula-hooped all the way through Slave. No, really. F*cking marvellous!

The last mix seems to be going down well too, which is good to hear. A few people have commented on the mix between Lady Gaga and Boney M, which is interesting as I wasn't too sure about including the Boney M track from a kitsch perspective. Here's the full track listing, and the link again for anyone who would still like to download it. Since I did this I also discovered that Giorgio Moroder actually produced the Sparks track, but that's just a happy coicidence!

Giorgio Moroder – I Wanna Rock You
Morgan Page featuring Lissie – The Longest Road (Deadmau5 Vocal Remix)
Cicada – Falling Rockets (Original Mix)
The Human League – The Things That Dreams Are Made Of (Remix)
The Ting Tings – Fruit Machine (Bimbo Jones Remix)
The Presets – Yippyo-ay
Sparks – Beat The Clock
Kelly Osbourne – One Word (Chris Cox Club Mix)
Hot Chip – Ready For The Floor
Lady Gaga – Poker Face (Glam As You Club Mix)
Boney M Vs Sash – Ma Baker
MGMT – Kids (Soulwax Nite Version)
The Ian Carey Project – Get Shaky (Ian Carey Vocal Mix)
Moby – Disco Lies (Spencer And Hill Remix)

http://www.filefactory.com/file/a00a5c8/n/MinkeredMix7_mp3

Click on the link; scroll down to download with the basic option; enter in the security code and the download will begin! Enjoy!

As my Facebook status says today: I'm a grumpy old Hector. Well I was earlier, and it hasn't got any better. Sometimes you see or read something that although isn't aimed at you, or even necessarily about you, it gets to you and affects your mood.

So tonight. A browsed remark has only made me more miserable and wallow-y. I had intended to get some stuff done tonight, but consequently I've done nothing. Eaten and drank. Ended up on a strange internet quest that I can't even remember where I started, but ended up with me spending a lot time reading about the Moomins and their author Tove Jansson. That brought back lots of childhood memories and only made me more sad.

Best to call it a night and head to bed. Tomorrow will be different.

Happy New Year. Again. And to keep you in that fun mood from a few nights ago, here is the latest mix from me. It was finally finished on NYE, so a lucky couple of people got a pre-release version for partying down, but this is now the definitive version. Enjoy everyone.

It's not dissimilar to the last one - mostly recent stuff mixed in with a few surprises... even a couple of songs from the 70s (with one of the artists producing the other one). Not sure how long this will take to download as it's about 100MB, but hopefully you'll think it worthwhile!

http://www.filefactory.com/file/a00a5c8/n/MinkeredMix7_mp3

Click on the link; scroll down to download with the basic option; enter in the security code and the download will begin! Thanks for your patience...

Happy New Year to one and all. I hope 2009 bring everyone some of the things they would like. Not everything, coz then there'd be nothing left to wish for. :)

Dave is inbetween parties right now, and bringing the NY in in fine fashion. Huzzah!

'Twas the night before Christmas,
And all round the flat
Nothing was stirring -
Well how about that!

Well Chrimbo is indeed upon us. This year has flown, and the last few days I've had a chance to reflect on some of the stuff that has happened. I'll put some thoughts up on here over the next few days, to lead nicely into 2009.

For the moment though, merry Christmas to one and all. :)

Almost a month since I last blogged. Not a huge amount to report - school, school, school.

Good news is I've had my contract extended another year at the school I've been working at so another year of Kindy for me. Yay! I'm looking forward to having the chance to consolidate all that I learned this year - and it means I can relax a bit over the holidays knowing I've got another year up my sleeve.

Very much looking forward to the holidays - only 3 more weeks. I'm going to spend that time exercising, eating and sleeping well and remembering how to relax, whilst working on my program for school for next year. If anyone wants to play tennis I'd love to play during that time... :)

I'll also do a full page with all the mixes and track listings etc. And hopefully do at least one other mix... Stay tuned!

OK boys and girls. Here's another mix. The last one was number 6, this is number 4. Upon listening to it again it seems pretty fresh. It was of its time in 2004, but other than the last 3 tracks which to me seem a little bolted on, it's pretty good (if I do say so myself!).

The mixes are a lot shorter, and some of them have hardly any overlap. However I'd still be very happy to be out dancing to this, and some of the tracks are real crackers. Hope you enjoy. Comments please...

Oh, and I'll put up the track listing once you've had a chance to listen. I wouldn't want to spoil the surprise... :) Oh, and I do think one of the tracks does skip ever so slightly David... but I remember that being on the original mix and I never changed it so you'll have to deal with it.

http://www.filefactory.com/file/3e5541/n/MinkeredMix4_mp3

Just a quickie. Some good news but a dull story. A while back when I updated my PC I lost the master files of the older mixes I've done. Or so I thought. The versions that were left were the not quite final edits and as such I wasn't so happy about sharing them.

Having a squizz through my PC this week I made a discovery - I do have the final versions, but saved as individual tracks rather than a whole mix. Yay! But it's almost impossible to butt them up in my mixing program to make them, in the words of Atomic Kitten, whole again.

However I think I've found a way using iTunes to sort it, and so I'll be trying that over the next few days. Get ready for more minkered mixes!
Now, off for brekky. :)

The mix is still going down well. However, one person noticed a skip during Kylie so I've deleted the original file and uploaded it again. Hopefully this will solve any problems. Please note the different link address:

http://www.filefactory.com/file/03c87d/n/sometingnew_mp3

Enjoy. I might put some older mixes up soon too...

So. The mix has been released to varying responses... mostly the UK people love it, and the Aussie peeps haven't really said much...

Here's what some people have said...

"Fab. Tooks few minutes to download. Listening to it as we speak/type. Cheering up a boring Friday afternoon no end. x"

"I've got to say, this is one of the best dance mixes I've ever heard."

"Dave, I love the mix"

So, there you go. Please give it a whirl as it is pretty fab :)

Here's the track listing for those who asked:

The Ting Tings - That's Not My Name (LA Riots Remix)
The Presets - Talk Like That (Miami Horror Remix)
Cut Copy - Hearts On Fire (Calvin Harris Remix)
Ladyhawke - Paris Is Burning (Cut Copy Remix)
Kylie Minogue - The One (Freemasons Vocal Club Mix)
Cyndi Lauper - Into The Nightlife (Soulseekerz Club Mix)
Tiffany - Just Another Day (Dave Aude Club Mix)
The Ting Tings - Shut Up And Let Me Go (Tocadisco Mix)
Freeform Five - No More Conversations (Richard X Mix)
Metro Station - Shake It (Lenny B X-Mix)
Miley Cyrus - See you again (Aaron Paetsch Club Mix)
September - Cry For You (Spencer & Hill Remix)
The Ting Tings - Great DJ (7th Heaven Remix)

These tracks are on mostly high rotation in Sydney at the moment, except the Ting Tingss, and Freeform Five, and Tiffany - which is a new single at 37 years old and I love it :)
Actually I haven't really heard the Presets out, or that particular Cut Copy remix, or Ladyhawke. But there were getting high rotation on my iTunes and they all just seemed to be what I would love to dance to in an ideal world if out in a club. Enjoy. I'll post some of the older mixes up in the near future :)

I'm going to try something different here and see what happens. Some of you may know that over the last few years I've experiented with doing some music mixing at home. My output has hardly been prolific - it kind of depends on if I've been going out to hear what music is current.

I've tried not to just beat mix the tracks and step away - I've tried more to think about the songs, the mood, the key, and for want of a better cliché, the journey. Here's the latest mix - hopefully the file hosting site that I've uploaded it to will be reliable and not fall over. Not sure how long this will take to download as it's about 100MB, but hopefully it'll get people dancing.

Given my current obsession with The Ting Tings, I'd like to call this one "All kinds of everyting". If people like this I'll upload some of the older mixes too. Enjoy - and feel free to share!

http://www.filefactory.com/file/d60714/n/sometingnew_mp3

Click on the link; scroll down to download with the basic option; enter in the security code and the download will begin! Thanks for your patience...