Monday, June 15, 2009

Not even a week, and the next post is here.

I was wondering about compromise the other day. Well at least I think it's compromise. I wondered if I could have a relationship with someone who I didn't have really strong feelings for. I don't think I'm explaining this well so let me backtrack. A few times in my life I have met people and for want of a better phrase I've been consumed by them. I've felt so strongly about them that everything else has pretty much gone by the wayside except for them. It's ruined friendships and probably not been good for my mental health. I've let myself be controlled by them and the power they have over me, and it's done in my self-esteem. I become obsessed.

So I was thinking, maybe it's better that for my next relationship I don't go for someone like that. I 'settle' for someone else. Someone nice. Someone that ticks all the boxes but doesn't tip me over that obsession precipice. I'm sure a strong friendship would grow. I'm sure even love could grow. I might even enjoy it. But one thing stops me. I know that if I were in a relationship with a 'Mr Settled-for' and a Mr Obsession turned up, I'd leave the nice guy in a second. In spite of my integrity I wouldn't be able to stop myself. I'm squirming even thinking about it because I hate that aspect of myself.

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