So, what's in a name? Dave's quite a common name you might say (and not entirely inappropriate some other, less kind people out there, might add) - and you'd be right. So, minkered. I was amazed the other day to do a search on Google and find that there wasn't a single page out there that included this fine word. Who or what is minkered? Animal, vegetable, A to Z of vitamins? The dictionary definition of minkered is, well... there isn't one. Suggestions are as follows to use instead of minkered:

1. manicured
2. nickered
3. manicure
4. mannered
5. manicures
6. nicknamed
7. Millerand
8. nicknamer
9. manacled
10. minicar

though frankly they're all a bit wide of the mark. As far as I know, and this is really by keeping my ears to the grindstone (?) and picking up slang, minkered is a Scottish word (maybe even locally Aberdonian) meaning off-your-face. I think that in its original use it was mainly through excesses of alcohol, but down here in London it seems to be used for either drink or drug excess. Hence you can see that none of the suggested substitutes is really suitable - though sometimes excesses of alcohol and/or drugs can lead to one being manacled.

Let's decline the verb to minker then. It's normally used as a past participle so,

i am minkered
you are minkered
he/she is minkered
we are minkered
you (plural) are minkered
they are minkered

Get practising with minkered - throw it in to your everyday conversations (God, I was absolutely minkered last night!), use it round the office (Last one to get minkered has to sleep with the boss!) and use it as a term of endearment for your nearest and dearest (You're a little minker!). My aim is to get the word minker - in one form or another - into such common parlance as 'you are the weakest link, goodbye'. Hmmm, maybe that's not the best analogy.