Tuesday, July 31, 2001

My strange mood of almost three weeks ago is back. Lethargy. Procrastination. Inability to concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes. Mild despair. Withdrawal from social stuff.

Still think it's a readjustment thing. I've not settled into the flat really, and need to make some decisions about what's best on that front. Work is up and down - some days I feel like I can breeze it, other days I feel like it'll never be within my grasp. Either way, I'm not doing stuff like I should. Lesson for today - lifted from Return of the Jedi I think (read in an old diary the other day): 'Don't try. Either do or don't do.' Hmmm. Gym - still not joined one and the longer that drags on the more I get pissed off with myself. I'm kind of hanging in case I make a dramatic change of plan re the flat. Though there's nothing to stop me going casually. And then there's Tony. Who is lovely. But also going through stuff himself at the moment and I'm maybe taking it all a little too personally rather than being there for him. Just because someone else has things going on, it doesn't automatically follow that they're anything to do with me. But of course I do think that and then that gives me another reason to beat myself up.

The sun is shining today, which can only help to lift my spirits. I really, really need to get off my self-pitying arse and do stuff. 'Don't try. Either do or don't do.' OK. Time to do some of the former. Doing the do. Betty Boo.

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